i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
