what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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