I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
