It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
