do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
