Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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