I think i peed on brittanys purse
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
