glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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