Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
COCAINE IS GR8
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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