Betty ford says i'm here all night
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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