I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
