Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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