oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We don't watch enough power rangers
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize