Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
