I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
