I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize