if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize