Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
