Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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