You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
