My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
