i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize