he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
