Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Can I color on your dick again?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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