i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize