Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
