i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
