I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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