You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
