I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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