I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
