I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
