I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
