He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize