we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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