dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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