Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
