3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
