I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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