I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
