You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
