I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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