I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
