Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
