you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize