69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
