Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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