Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
