Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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