I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
