I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
What a dumb baby whore.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
