just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She swung at the pinata with crutches
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
