I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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