You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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