why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i think i have two assholes
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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