Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
