Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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