he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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