Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
