he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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