You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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