oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
