i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
