dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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